Chopped

So here we are at the lake. Luckily, the weather could not be more awesomey. (great word, eh?) When the weather is grand, it is easy to forget that we are not shoulder to shoulder in 20 feet of living space; a.k.a the camper we call home for much of the summer.  Yes, when the rain socks in for days, there is only one thing I really miss….TV.  Many of you who know me understand that I am addicted to the Food Network.

At home, if I am in possession of the remote control, we will be watching Channel 103.  We also have the Food Network on an HD channel, and my husband thinks that if we are forced to watch the Food Network, why can't we at least watch it in HD?  No, I am used to 103.  HD would be considered a Change.  I don't feel like implementing a Change right now.  I have enough to worry about and I can't remember the channel number for Food on HD.

An interesting aside is that I have tried not one single recipe I've seen in my 5 year history of being addicted to the Food Network.  This is not unlike the 423 recipes I have pinned onto my "To Try" board on Pinterest.  Oh, I have great intentions... "KIDS! Look at this appetizer! I have to make it for when so & so comes over!"  I'll scribble down the inspiration on the back of a receipt or on an old envelope.  Invariably, I’ll look at it two days later, wonder what the hell it was all about and toss it.  It’s ok because I have the recipe for a great appetizer memorized.  It's called ‘Celery avec Cheez Whiz’. That's what so & so are getting when they come over.  Judge not and try it.

Chopped is one of my favorite Food Network shows. In Chopped, four chefs square off with a basket of mystery ingredients, with which they have to quickly make a dish.  The first round is an appetizer, then a main, then a dessert.  Each course is served to a panel of snooty, pretentious judges.  After each round, one chef gets chopped.  The ingredients are always pretty weird.  For example, a basket might contain octopus, bran cereal, beets and blue cheese. Mmmm.  The judges turn up their noses at the dishes they are given. "I just wasn't getting the octopus, unfortunately we had to chop you."  “You did nothing to coax out the earthiness of the beets…for that reason you’ve been chopped.”  Harsh.  

I don't see what the big deal is.  I do this every summer in my camper.  I look through the strange ingredients left over from last year and I attempt to make a stunning presentation out of microwave popcorn, stale Cheezies, a can of cream-style corn, and half a box of Lucky Charms with all the marshmallows conspicuously absent.  The only seasoning I have is a shaker of salt that has formed into a solid block from the moisture.  I would likely get no bonus points for using the partial bag of Temptations cat snacks leftover from feeding last summer’s stray cat.  The judges, who are fraught with mosquito bites and swimmer's itch, are rarely pleased with my amuse bouche.  I've been chopped a number of times but I always seem to get invited back to compete again and again.

Fortunately, we've now stocked up on a king's ransom worth of chips, nibs, and s'mores stuff.  I hope the this next while produces some great blogging material, but I probably won't be at the computer a whole lot unless it rains and I get Chopped from my job as chief cook & bottle washer. Stop by for a visit…we’ll see what we can string together for a snack!