A Yard of Differences

It's cold but at least the sun is finally out!  The torrential rain has seemed to die down for the time being leaving freezing temperatures in its stead.  The people in charge of the weather predicted this.  Why are they only right when it's going to be crappy out?  What the people in charge of the weather fail to realize is that we have a yard to finish.  This weather has put the contractor's schedule, which was dubious to begin with, out for 'several more days', leaving us with nothing to do in the meantime but wait out the rain and have rousing 'discussions' about the yard.  We sort of took last spring off, saying we would tackle everything in the fall.  Well, we failed to plan for a Foot Smashing Event that would take our esteemed yard man (Norm) out of commission for most of the fall.  Needless to say, we've got work to do. 

A couple nights watching TV guilt free was actually pretty good.  See, when the weather is terrible in Saskatchewan, it means that you have a really good excuse to lay on the couch and watch TV without the constant reminders of your neighbours working on their yards and 'enjoying the outdoors'.  When you only get so many temperate days, you are not allowed to waste them watching TV.  You must do outdoor things like bicycle, jog, and plant things.  Even if you don't enjoy these things, you must look like you do.  It is our way:  Look at me!  I'm very smug as I remain outside taking advantage of every drop of daylight.  The temperature has climbed to above freeze-your-ass-off below and I'm not laying on the couch! I'm crazy tired from work, but I must jog with the dog's leash in one hand, and a bag of dog poop in the other for it is Summer!

No offense, I love dogs.  I just had a memory of a couple springs ago in my old neighbourhood. A lady on my block called out to me from the alley where she was walking her dog.  She pointed out that there was graffiti on my fence and launched into a very long tale about what the City does if you don't take care of the graffiti on your property.  This was all well and good, except that she was holding a reeking bag of dog crap while reciting Section 8175 of the City's bylaws.  In addition, it did not appear to cross her mind that it might be offensive to hold someone hostage in this manner.  

Anyhoo, as I said, a little break from the yard work was good, but really, we need to get this underway.  It's not so much the yard work but the yard planning.  It's my husband who has the eye for landscaping and all that tedious stuff.  If it was up to me, the yard would have a fence, a rectangle of grass and a rectangle of garden.  I think in rectangles.  It worked for my parents and it works for me.  In my yard, there would be no gnomes, for gnomes are just creepy and I hate them. If you are gonna have a gnome, you may as well go all the way to Weirdsville and plant some flowers in two old toilets flanking your driveway.  My husband does not think in rectangles.  He thinks in pergolas, and swales and crooked knotty pines with 'character'.  He asks me what I want.  I say vegetables and fruit trees (preferably planted in a rectangular manner).  He insists we have Decorative Features.  You can't eat no Decorative Features, that's what I say. Ever make knotty pine pickles?  Um no. I rest my case.

I'm supposed to go out into the yard and 'envision' it.  Should we use 2x6's or 2x8's?  Should we go 18 inches or 24?  I DON'T FREAKIN' KNOW?! I'm one of those hopeless people who can't turn dirt and air into a 'vision'!  Can't we just order Chia Yard from K-Tel?  With frequent watering, we can have a green yard in two to three days! All I know is that it will take 15 years for the yard to mature, so let's get some trees in the ground! 

My husband's plan for the yard might look something like this:

My plan for the yard might look something like this:

Have a great weekend and grow some vegetables!!

Later on in Lalonde Land: Progress!